So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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