I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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