He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
