Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
