Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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