i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm too high and old for this...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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