I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
