I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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