I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
