Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
