And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
