Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
