i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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