Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
