discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
