I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
