Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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