i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
