garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize