She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
