i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
