She said her name was "party"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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