I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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