Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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