It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Are we still banned from the library?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
