Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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