so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
