Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
