Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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