I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
