I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
