I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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