Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
