Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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