U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
