this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
