ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
