At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
