I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
