i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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