You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
