im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
