so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
