Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
