apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
