Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
