I want to make a zoo with you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
