I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize