i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize