I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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