she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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