It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
