Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm just crazy horny about you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
