I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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