Ketchup is God's man juice
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
