For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
