I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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