So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
