guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
