Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
