i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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