i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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