After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You smell like stripper and shame
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
