Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
