Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I just sharted jello shots
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