hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
