i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
NoShamevember. You game?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
