I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
