I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
