Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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