every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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