Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
