also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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