Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize