if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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