I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
